There are times when I get such an urge to write that I
can’t do anything but follow that urge. The words spin around in my mind and I
know that they are something that need to be put down on paper.
I have a friend that is battling breast cancer at the
moment. She made a comment that has triggered a plethora of words swirling
about in my brain that I can’t seem to quiet. She has come to a false
conclusion, and I think that it’s one that many might come to in her circumstance,
but it’s false just the same.
She began her journey with a mastectomy, part of the
breast is still there, but the nipple had to be removed. In the beginning and
all through the chemotherapy, even with the loss of hair, she had intimate
moments with others. There was no problem with being any less of a woman, being
broken, being any different than where she was before.
She has moved on into radiation and up until last night,
I wasn’t aware of how devastating the burns actually become when a person is
going through radiation. It was an eye opener for me. I felt nothing but love
and compassion for her; she is still beautiful, just very, very burnt at the
moment. I know that those burns will leave. It’s the pain that I know is going
along with those burns that brought the compassion to the fore and it was with
nothing more than love that I offered to help.
The comment was made that it seems those that had held
her when she needed the warmth of a touch have disappeared. The conclusion came
that it was because of the mastectomy, the hair loss, and the fact that the
cancer had left her broken; I am here to say that it has nothing to do with
her; it has everything to do with those that are staying away.
It was not hard before, when the pain wasn’t so clear.
They don’t know how to deal with their feelings and reactions to the clear
vision of how much pain is involved. It is their broken self that is keeping
them away, not hers. It’s easier to stay away until the burns heal, than to
have to admit that they have no idea how to deal with the emotions that the
helplessness fills them with. I will admit that there are probably some that
are just superficial people, but the majority of the people that she surrounds
herself with are very good and decent people.
When the burns clear, they will return. In the mean time
they live with their guilt, though it is buried deep. I am here to tell you
that while it might be hard to know what to do in the face of another’s obvious
pain, they still need you to deal with your emotions, set them aside, and be
there with love and compassion at this time. Leave your pity at the door, as it
isn’t pity that they need, it’s the simple love for another human that is required.
Please, set your own brokenness aside for a moment in
time and reach out to someone that needs it. It will make the world of
difference to both of you.
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