The topic of Pema Chodron came up during a class that I was teaching last Monday. We were discussing her books and how meaningful they are. Of course, that made me come home and take one off of the shelf that I had been wanting to read from beginning to end. I have read relevant chapters to what I needed for classes, but never the entire book.
The preface held a message that really stood out for some reason. "If we are willing to stand fully in our own shoes and never give up on ourselves, then we will be able to put ourselves in the shoes of others and never give up on them. True compassion does not come from wanting to help out those less fortunate than ourselves but from realizing our kinship with all things." Wow.
What does that mean, to "stand fully on our own shoes". It means to take responsibility for your own actions and realize that no matter where you are in life you are the one with the ability to change things. If you give up on yourself, you will never move beyond where you are right now. It's learning to be compassionate with yourself! It's learning to forgive yourself for the things that you feel you've done wrong, it's learning to love yourself and see the potential that is within you and moving forward.
I've always used Pema's words "start where you are" while teaching a class. Every moment is a new beginning. Going back and beating yourself up over what you did yesterday, last year, during the last decade, will do you no good. Looking forward with fear to all the "might happens" does you no good either. Every moment is a new beginning and with that new beginning lies an entire set of new possibilities.
One of her teachings is that no matter where you are in your life or what is happening, someone else in the world is having the same emotions and similar experiences. When you realize this, you also realize that you are never truly alone. There are others that DO understand exactly how you feel in that moment. You may not know them, but you don't have to know them. You only have to realize that they are out there and you are not alone. Stand fully in your own shoes, and never give up. When you do that, you are also helping the others to stand in their own shoes. If you can do it, you give them hope that they can do it as well. Sometimes that is all that someone else will need to rise above whatever current situation that they find themselves in.
When you live with compassion for where you've been and what you've experienced, compassion for yourself, it becomes a way of life and compassion for others comes naturally. Compassion is a very strong and powerful emotion. A moment of compassion can change the outcome of a tense situation. It reminds me of the Lord of The Rings, when Gandolph and Frodo are discussing the fact that Bilbo held his hand when he could have killed Gollum. It was a moment of compassion on Bilbo's part as he saw beyond the exterior and had a glimpse into Gollum's sad life. In the end, it was a blessing that Gollum was spared as he still had a major role to play in his life. Judging and deciding in a moment how someone is or is not, isn't fair to the person (or you) as you really don't know what they have been through in their lives.
When you stand fully in your own shoes and never give up on yourself, you begin to change. As you change those around you change as well. I've seen it happen. You are worth every moment of compassion that you give. You are never alone. Start where you are, live in the present and take the first steps in living a life filled with compassion.
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