The Addiction of Emotional Pain

There are many thoughts that pass through my mind at any given time. It is hard to sort all of them out at times. Then suddenly, one thought comes to the front and stays there. That's when I know that I am being sent in a direction and it's time to put some more of my thoughts into written word.

I know someone that has a very difficult time dealing with emotional pain. She has been a Client of mine, though at a distance, and while her session did hold some physical attributes, it was really more of an emotional reading of where her spirit was at the moment. She is the sweetest person, she is warm, loving, open, honest, but then she can also be full of self-pity, slipping into a cycle of not appreciating what she really is and what she really has. This leads to a bout of self-talking that creates so much emotional pain that she literally sends herself to her knees with the pain of it all.

Why would anyone do something like this, if it causes them so much pain? Why would anyone want to bear that much pain. They wouldn't be doing it, if they weren't getting something, somewhere, out of it. Negative attention is sometimes just as powerful as positive attention when it is given in the right instance. Some people like it when they can ball up into their own misery, they hold on to it as though it were a security blanket. It's something that they can feel, it's an emotion. It's not laughter, but it is something and it's very real.

To ask them, they would deny that they want this emotion. When it is a cycle, when it keeps coming back, this huge emotional pain, then there is something that is driving it. It's like an addict that gets clean for a period of time, but then something happens and they are driven back to the drug of choice as they need that hit again. They don't care that their intellectual mind is telling them all the reasons not to do this, their emotional self is the driving force. For whatever reason, the drug of choice in this instance is emotional pain and the intellectual mind can't keep her from pushing herself back down to where the emotional pain takes control.

It's easy for me to say to her to stop and think about what she is doing. Say those positive self affirmations, stop in your tracks when those negative thoughts come up and change them around to positive ones. I'm not the one in the middle of things. I can send Reiki, que it up for when it's needed, but until she is ready, truly ready, to give up whatever it is that she is getting from this emotional roller coaster, it isn't going to help her long term. She will block it.

The first step has been taken. The acknowledgement that there is a problem and that it lies within her. The answer also lies within her. There is always support when those first steps are taken. There is a difference between being supportive and being an enabler. The work has to come from within and she has to be ready to do what needs to be done. Reiki will support her, love will support her, the angels will support her, all she has to do is ask.

So, What IS unconditional love?

I wrote a blog the other day on what unconditional love isn't. It was pointed out to me by a very dear friend, that maybe I should write about what unconditional love really is. What it means to me.

My definition of unconditional love is just that, love without any conditions attached to it at all. It means that I love you as you are and I don't expect you to love me back. I don't expect you to support me financially, to buy me gifts, to be my emotional support, to listen to my problems, or to be anything other than the person that you are. There is freedom in unconditional love. When you love freely, with no expectations, you are also free to be you. You don't need to worry about being a certain way so that the other person loves you. You aren't expecting them to love you in return, it isn't a condition of your love for them.

Unconditional love and freedom, what a pair! It is something to strive for, learning to love unconditionally. It's not an easy thing to do. It's so easy to just say, you should do this for me, because I love you! Hmmm, that doesn't sound unconditional to me.

I think that true, unconditional love, is not an easy thing to achieve. Everyone seems to want something in return for loving them. Even if it's just an acknowledgement that you are aware that they love you. I am working toward pure unconditional love. I want to have the freedom that entails. I want to have the purity to be what and who I am, to lead by example, to love completely and freely, those around me.

This is another step on my journey, to realize that I can love in this simple way. That all that I need is within myself. I can love with no expectations and enjoy the freedom that gives me.

The Perfect Present

This year I received the perfect gift. My granddaughter was so excited to give it to me. She had told me that she knew that I would love it. I smiled at her anticipation, with no idea as to what the gift might be.

She handed me the present, a very pretty bag filled with tissue paper. I pulled out the tissue paper, and saw a pair of boots. Now, I will admit that for a split second, the story behind the boots didn't register. Then as I watched her face and her smile, it all came back to me. You see, when she first wore these boots to my house, I told her that I loved them. I did love them as they are really cute. I also went on to say that when she out grew them, I would love to have them.

My granddaughter is eleven, I have small feet, it wasn't that far out of the realm of possibility. She never forgot that conversation. There, surrounded by tissue paper, sat the boots that I had loved so much. She out grew them and then, with love and excitement, cleaned them all up and wrapped them up for me on Christmas!

I wore those boots all day Christmas day and then into my shop on Monday. I have them sitting beside my desk right now! It was the perfect gift, one given out of love. Thank you Sissy, you made my Christmas!

Unconditional Love ...

Unconditional love. What is that exactly? I know what it isn't. I have a Client that I am working with that thinks she knows what unconditional love is. She has gone through a very hard break up with a man that, well he used her. We are working on her self-esteem, of which she has little now though it is growing slowly but surely.

This man told her that he loved her. He had her come to see him and he lived several states away from her. She is married and this man knew it. He told her he adored her and wanted her to be with him always. She brought her young son with her. This man took money from her, had her sell all that she could, called her trash, treated her son horribly and then when he realized that she could no longer "get" him anything in the form of material goods, left her broken and shattered.

She said that she doesn't understand, because she loved him unconditionally. She gave him everything that she had and then he did this to her. I know that this is NOT unconditional love. This is a love that is an obsessive love. It is a love that destroys a person and it has been destroying her. I have tried to explain that true unconditional love would have meant that she could have loved him as he was, been able to see all of his flaws, but walk away as she also loves herself enough to know that she didn't deserve that type of abuse.

She IS getting better. She no longer cries constantly. Her husband has taken her back into their home and this man is a saint. He sees his part in the entire affair. That she was seeking someone to love her, at any cost, and he has acknowledged that he was partially to blame as he had taken her for granted and paid her no attention for a very long time within their marriage. He tells her, the past is just that and he isn't going back there, but he is moving forward from this point on. She cries because she asks, why can't she love this wonderful man like she does this awful man that abused her so.

She is in love with the words that the first man spoke in the beginning. She is in love with being wooed in a way that she never had been before. She is in love with a memory of something that was never real, but something that she so desperately wanted she chose to overlook all of the signs that were pointing to disaster.

Why do I write about this? I see a very large amount of women that are in need of love in their lives. They will go anywhere and do anything just to get those words of love and comfort that they need to hear to feel good about themselves. It breaks my heart. There are men that prey on these types of women, using and abusing them and leaving them broken at the side of the road when something better comes along. Self-esteem takes a beating and it takes a very long time to heal what was broken without regard or regret.

Just be careful of who you give your heart and your trust to. You have the right to be treated as a person and not be left broken at any point in time.

She is getting better; I can see the healing take place. The smiles are more often, the tears stay at bay for days at a time now. Please, all out there, take care of yourselves and just be aware that not all are as they may seem.

Happy Holidays!

It seems as though I am in a constant place of transition *smile*. That isn't a bad thing, it means that I am ever learning more, progressing and evolving. Life isn't boring at all!

This holiday season finds me, and some of those around me, also in a place of transition, though not the same type of transitions. Some just moving from place "A" to place "B, a huge transition when it was something not really thought of not so long ago.

Things can move quickly when it is something that needs to be done. They can also drag when you think that you know what you are supposed to do, but it turns out, you might be wrong. I have a friend that wishes to move, she's been packed since last May, but for her it would seem that she needs to stay put! Every possible thing that could block the move, has done so and she is at her old home, with most of her things in boxes. On the plus side, she said it's easy to dust without any knick knacks!

Where ever this holiday season finds you, may it be a joyous one. Remember all those that are near and dear to you, past, present, and future. Our time on earth is relatively short in the scheme of things, make the most of it. Live a life filled with love, for others and for yourself. Not in that order though! Love yourself first, and love for others will naturally follow.

Happy Holidays all!

Do you believe in angels?

So, do you believe in angels? Do you believe that angels walk among the "ordinary" people, people like you and I? That you don't need to be a modern day prophet to receive messages and guidance from the divine?

I wonder how each one of us would react if someone came up to us and said "I talked with an angel today and they told me ..." Would you tune them out at that point in time? Would your own mind start asking if maybe this person should see a therapist and get on some good drugs, or maybe they are already on some good drugs? Why is it so hard to believe that angels really are among the ordinary people. Have we strayed so far that we truly believe that only "certain" people, those that have reached a high level in the religious community, can get guidance from the divine and that only through that level can the guidance filter down to those of us at this level?

So many questions for so early in the morning. I do believe in angels, I also believe that they are here to help all those that walk the earth. I will also admit that I have that split second pause when someone tells me that an angel spoke to them today. I have to catch myself and realize that they are speaking the truth. If they speak to me, it stands to reason that they speak to others as well. I should clarify that by speaking I don't mean that they stand in front of me and we have a conversation. It would be very nice at times if they did, but I think that they realize that would actually frighten me the first time and it isn't their intent to scare us, but to help us!

When I start to pay attention to the things around me, I start to see where they actively are helping out in my life. I have asked for help and it comes to me. It started with my dreams and asking for guidance and answers as I sleep. I am receiving that.

I had an angel reading the other day. Marsha told me that the angels wanted to send a sign to me, a clear sign that they are always around me. She said that I would see red roses. Then she laughed and said not to go out and buy some, they would just appear on their own. So I started to watch for red roses to appear within my path. I decided to have tacos for dinner the next night. No red roses had appeared yet and I had put it out of my mind. I realized that I had no sour cream for the tacos. My daughter lives next door and  I asked if she had any. She did and normally she would send one of the kids up with it, but I told her I would run down and get it. What a surprise to me to open her door and see not one, but two bouquets of red roses sitting in her house! I asked what the occasion was as it wasn't a birthday or an anniversary. She told me that they saw them in Safeway and just decided to buy them. Coincidence? I'm not sure that I believe in coincidences anymore. My red roses were there, my sign from the angels.

Each one of us can ask for guidance from the angels. They are here to help us, not just those of us on a higher level of spiritual understanding, but each and every one of us that are on this earth. They help without being asked, but they are delighted to be asked and acknowledged. They want to help as openly as you will allow them to. No, I'm not on drugs and I don't need therapy. Yes, I talk to the angels and yes, they send answers to me.

One very full day!

Yesterday was a very busy day! It started with an Angel reading from Marsha. What a gifted woman. I think that the original plan was for an hour block of time, but somehow it stretched out to be two hours. It is strange the way all of these amazing people keep appearing in my life.

I discovered that there seems to be an underlying theme in all of the things that people are reading in me. That would be the need to take better care of myself. It came through loud and clear again yesterday. YES, I will make a stronger attempt to get my naps taken. Of course, that being said, I didn't get one yesterday either.

My first Reiki Share was held yesterday afternoon. It went really well. It didn't go quite as planned, but then again I really didn't have a plan. There were only two of us that had any Reiki training at all, the rest had an interest in Reiki and were learning more about it. It was a nice afternoon. People were able to get a feel for what Reiki actually is and I even managed to put one potential client to sleep, even though there was a roomful of people conversing not far from us! It is a huge testament to the power of the energy as this is a person with a lot of responsibility and the stress left to the point that complete relaxation and sleep took its place. This was during a ten minute sample treatment.

As if that wasn't enough for one day, I also had my final class to help me learn to be a good teacher. Each of the students had to set up and teach a ten minute class. I had picked a topic that I was confident about, so it wasn't hard for me to teach it. Remote viewing is something that I enjoy and I was more than pleased to have one of the students verify what they "saw" right away and they were correct! I also enjoyed the class that was taught by Filipe. I learned a new method of meditation that I had not heard of before. To have even five minutes at a time of a quiet mind will be wonderful! Thanks Filipe!

It was a good day, if not just a bit full. I was surrounded by friends, both new and old. I came home from my Reiki Share to find my house lit up with Christmas lights and it made me smile. The tree had been set up as well so my house smells wonderful. Brad, my husband, was busy. Of course, he had a little helper in my granddaughter, oops, I guess that she's not so little anymore. Time flies by and the only real way of telling just how fast is by how grown up my grandchildren are!

Ask and you just might receive

There are times that I agree with that old saying be careful what you ask for. I believe that messages come to us in our dreams, guidance, answers to questions, and brilliant ideas that will enhance our futures. My problem has always been that I forget my dreams upon awakening. There seem to be only wisps here and there of the many thoughts that floated through my mind while I slept.

It was almost a year ago that I added the sentence I dream dreams of importance and I remember and understand them when I am awake to my nightly mantra prior to sleeping. Be very careful what you ask for as it would seem that the Universe does listen! I have had many dreams since I began asking for the ability to remember and understand them.

Some of them are really clear to me, others I am still trying to figure out. Some have not been about me at all, but about those around me. There are dreams that bring me comfort and others that I wonder if I should pass along to the one that I dreamt about.

My entire life, I have had dreams that included water. I understand that water represents emotion and in the dreams of the past, water has always blocked me from getting somewhere. It might be a trail that I was walking on and suddenly water would be rushing over it, leaving no way to continue on. I would be walking down a road and a huge body of water would suddenly be covering the road and I didn't seem to know how to get through this water to where I could see the road continue on the other side. Always, the water was blocking me.

In recent months I have had two very different water dreams, it seems as though my dreams have taken a new turn. The first one came last summer. I was walking down a dirt road and there once again, a puddle appeared. This time though, it was shallow and I walked right through it. Another puddle appeared, but once again, I walked right through it. The puddles became smaller and smaller and while they were inconvenient, they didn't block me at all. I turned and looked behind me and saw that one of my grandchildren had started to follow me along this road. He was following my exact path, straight as an arrow. Looking beyond him, I saw that the entire road was filled with people, some that I knew, some that I didn't, but they were all following me! I woke feeling rather humbled, but excited as I felt that it might be a glimpse into what is yet to be.

The second water dream I had came as I was getting ready to switch my office to a new location. Again, as in the dreams of my past, I was walking along just fine and a huge body of water appeared within my path. This time I couldn't see the other side, so I have no idea where it might be. The water wasn't smooth, it was choppy and looked cold. For some reason, I remembered that I know how to swim! I dove into this water and started swimming into the unknown. I remember very clearly thinking that I wouldn't be able to swim that far, I would get tired, I would sink. A voice came to me, so clearly, remember that you can always float on your back to rest and when you are ready, swim once more. Oh! That's right, I can float. I don't need to accomplish it all in one big push.

These dreams do have meaning. They keep coming to me when I need to know something important. I asked for it and I am receiving it.

The Greedy Man

I was talking with a friend the other day and she was telling me about her Client, the "greedy man". The story touched me and I wanted to share it with you.

Her Client is a simple man with very few wants in this world. After she had finished her treatment, he handed her $140 in cash. She was shocked and said that she couldn't take the money, it wasn't right. He simply told her that she needed to learn how to be a good receiver and that this was his lesson to her for that day. She tried to graciously accept the money, though it was hard for her to do.

He had another appointment the next week. Again, he handed her $140 in cash. She told him that she couldn't take this money from him, it was so much more than what he owed, even with a decent tip included! He gave her this explanation:

I am a greedy man. I don't need this money right now, all of my needs and wants are met. If I keep it, it will just sit in my home and it won't be circulated among others. If I give it to you, you will go out and spend it in different areas, spreading it out around more people. What I give comes back to me ten fold. How can I get more to come back to me, if it never leaves my home? By giving it to you, it spreads out into the world and as I am a greedy man, it will come back to me ten fold."

I think that I might be a bit more generous to others, his explanation puts a new spin on the word "greedy".

From the Angels themselves

There is something to be said for peace and happiness. There is something to be said for things going as they should. There is something to be said for the place that I find myself in at the moment.

I have been blessed, each and every day of my life, these blessings grow. My life is filled with the most amazing people. They each bring such a joy and wonder to me. It is true, what I've heard, when you are ready and open for things, the Universe just sends them to you. When you reach a readiness, the runners appear and things just "happen".

The Angels are a part of my life. They show up as I give Reiki to Clients. They are there in my dreams, they are there when I am awake. I am ready for the Angels, to accept their help and guidance, to be open for what appears with them. They have helped me to heal others and they continue to help me to heal myself. I am not talking entirely physical here, but emotional as well.

I have learned to pay attention to signs that show up around me. When there are suddenly a very large amount of Angel references in my life, even coming from people that I just met, maybe it's telling me something that I need to listen to. Even in my dreams, the Angels are appearing. I woke the other morning, with the knowledge that I needed to teach a class with my friend on the twenty-two Angels that are with each of us. She had the same sort of a dream, not specific to Angels, but that she was to be doing something special with me.

So, while I am already working on lesson plans for Practical Reiki and teaching the use of the pendulum, I am studying the Angels. This will be a special class, guided by the Angels themselves. I am looking forward to what the future will hold. Someday, I hope to see the Angels with my eyes wide open, but until then, seeing them within the realm of my Reiki and knowing the little messages that they leave for me, will be enough to bring me complete happiness.

Power Reiki

I took a class the other night on Power Reiki. What an amazing modality! This form of Reiki works on chronic symptoms (I am actively working on never using the word "disease"). I am now qualified to teach this modality, but I am more excited to start using it. It should help not only my clients, but myself as well.

I love the teacher of this class, Connie Dohan. I've taken several classes from her and she continues to amaze me! She is so intuitive and she is helping me to raise my own level of intuitiveness (is that a word??). Of course, it's one of those things that when I am in class and extremely tired she knows it. Even if she is in Ohio and I'm in Washington State!

I love the idea of working with color while giving Reiki. I also love working with the chakras and aura. I have learned so much about the different healing modalities and I embrace them all!