Unconditional love. What is that exactly? I know what it isn't. I have a Client that I am working with that thinks she knows what unconditional love is. She has gone through a very hard break up with a man that, well he used her. We are working on her self-esteem, of which she has little now though it is growing slowly but surely.
This man told her that he loved her. He had her come to see him and he lived several states away from her. She is married and this man knew it. He told her he adored her and wanted her to be with him always. She brought her young son with her. This man took money from her, had her sell all that she could, called her trash, treated her son horribly and then when he realized that she could no longer "get" him anything in the form of material goods, left her broken and shattered.
She said that she doesn't understand, because she loved him unconditionally. She gave him everything that she had and then he did this to her. I know that this is NOT unconditional love. This is a love that is an obsessive love. It is a love that destroys a person and it has been destroying her. I have tried to explain that true unconditional love would have meant that she could have loved him as he was, been able to see all of his flaws, but walk away as she also loves herself enough to know that she didn't deserve that type of abuse.
She IS getting better. She no longer cries constantly. Her husband has taken her back into their home and this man is a saint. He sees his part in the entire affair. That she was seeking someone to love her, at any cost, and he has acknowledged that he was partially to blame as he had taken her for granted and paid her no attention for a very long time within their marriage. He tells her, the past is just that and he isn't going back there, but he is moving forward from this point on. She cries because she asks, why can't she love this wonderful man like she does this awful man that abused her so.
She is in love with the words that the first man spoke in the beginning. She is in love with being wooed in a way that she never had been before. She is in love with a memory of something that was never real, but something that she so desperately wanted she chose to overlook all of the signs that were pointing to disaster.
Why do I write about this? I see a very large amount of women that are in need of love in their lives. They will go anywhere and do anything just to get those words of love and comfort that they need to hear to feel good about themselves. It breaks my heart. There are men that prey on these types of women, using and abusing them and leaving them broken at the side of the road when something better comes along. Self-esteem takes a beating and it takes a very long time to heal what was broken without regard or regret.
Just be careful of who you give your heart and your trust to. You have the right to be treated as a person and not be left broken at any point in time.
She is getting better; I can see the healing take place. The smiles are more often, the tears stay at bay for days at a time now. Please, all out there, take care of yourselves and just be aware that not all are as they may seem.
This man told her that he loved her. He had her come to see him and he lived several states away from her. She is married and this man knew it. He told her he adored her and wanted her to be with him always. She brought her young son with her. This man took money from her, had her sell all that she could, called her trash, treated her son horribly and then when he realized that she could no longer "get" him anything in the form of material goods, left her broken and shattered.
She said that she doesn't understand, because she loved him unconditionally. She gave him everything that she had and then he did this to her. I know that this is NOT unconditional love. This is a love that is an obsessive love. It is a love that destroys a person and it has been destroying her. I have tried to explain that true unconditional love would have meant that she could have loved him as he was, been able to see all of his flaws, but walk away as she also loves herself enough to know that she didn't deserve that type of abuse.
She IS getting better. She no longer cries constantly. Her husband has taken her back into their home and this man is a saint. He sees his part in the entire affair. That she was seeking someone to love her, at any cost, and he has acknowledged that he was partially to blame as he had taken her for granted and paid her no attention for a very long time within their marriage. He tells her, the past is just that and he isn't going back there, but he is moving forward from this point on. She cries because she asks, why can't she love this wonderful man like she does this awful man that abused her so.
She is in love with the words that the first man spoke in the beginning. She is in love with being wooed in a way that she never had been before. She is in love with a memory of something that was never real, but something that she so desperately wanted she chose to overlook all of the signs that were pointing to disaster.
Why do I write about this? I see a very large amount of women that are in need of love in their lives. They will go anywhere and do anything just to get those words of love and comfort that they need to hear to feel good about themselves. It breaks my heart. There are men that prey on these types of women, using and abusing them and leaving them broken at the side of the road when something better comes along. Self-esteem takes a beating and it takes a very long time to heal what was broken without regard or regret.
Just be careful of who you give your heart and your trust to. You have the right to be treated as a person and not be left broken at any point in time.
She is getting better; I can see the healing take place. The smiles are more often, the tears stay at bay for days at a time now. Please, all out there, take care of yourselves and just be aware that not all are as they may seem.
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